WHAT THE FUCK EVER HAPPENED TO OG STALKING??

1. The Internet

2. MySpace

3. Face Book

When I was in 7th grade I started stalking DT, he was the epitome and demise of my summer/8^th grade year. It all started back in the day when I was Chillin with my homies on 16^th & Palm. And by homies I mean well educated white kids living in a beach city where the average family median is $400,000.00, we bad! We were playing a game of Truth or Dare, it was my turn and of course I choose dare. At that very moment there was a boy across the street walking his dog. Debo dared me to go over and kiss him on the lips. Anybody that knows me personally knows that I’m always game, always have been and always will be. So I got up walked across the street over to the boy and asked him “If I could kiss him on the lips?” He said yes and it was by far the greatest 2 ½ seconds of my entire existents. That’s when I started my career as an armature stalker. Since social networking sites were non-existent I had to stalk DT like an OG. Instead of boring you with every last lame ass detail of DT’s life I composed a list of my greatest stalking techniques.

• Spending countless hours in the school library going through yearbooks trying to figure out that MoFo’s name. The reason that it took so long was because DT was 3 years older then me, so while I was in 7^th grade he was in High school.

• Changing my route so that I would purposely have to walk by his house on the way to and from school.

• Hanging out with a girl that treated me like shit just because she lived across the street from DT.

• Looking up his phone number in the white pages so that I could call him repeatedly just to hang up.

• Leaving him notes in his mail box telling him things that were so 1996 like you’re “The Bomb…Digity” ALL unsigned of course.

• Getting up the balls to knock on his front door. It only happened once and he wasn’t home so I ended up telling his dad some bullshit story about my cat being lost.

Eventually half way through my 8^th grade year my infatuation with DT ended. I had my first boyfriend; period and my first run at 3^rd base (aka finger banging & hand jobs). But DT and I would eventually cross paths again in high school and briefly in college. When I was in 9^th grade DT was a senior. He had a GF and we had conflicting schedules due to our age difference so I rarely saw him. Now you have to realize that even though it was 98’ and the internet was more widely accessible my family was still using prodigy and the closest thing to MySpace was internet chat rooms. The OG thing to do back then was cruse chat rooms while your parents were gone and have “Cyber Sex” with people that were probably twice your age and weighed at least 4 bills. Graduation came and went and once again DT was a forgotten soul from my childhood past, until college that is. And yes I went to graduation to see him walk, I was a fuckin stalker what did you expect! I hadn’t even noticed him on the first day of class until roll call. It had been 4 years since our last encounter (me stalking him at graduation). As I turned around to peep his shit my heart started to pound and I quickly had a flash back of 7^th grade, of that single day that changed my young adult hood. DT and I ended up having lunch about a week later. At lunch I felt compelled to tell him about all of my crazy stalking antics. DT flashed me that “You’re a crazy bitch look” and in all truth he said that he didn’t have any recollection of the kiss, calls, notes ect. I was taken aback, nothing, mother fuckin nothing. Right then and there it was over for me. The funny part was that if he had remembered at least on of those things I probably would have sucked his dick right then and there. Hey if an opportunity presents itself you better take it, because if you don’t there’s always a sluttier girl behind you who will. And in true woman style, once he was in it to hit it I was in it to quit it! To me there’s just something so gratifying about putting in the man hours to stalk someone OG style. I love all of the new technology that has been invented over the past 10 years and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But it saddens me that when my daughter has her first crush all of his info will only be one click away. There’s also something kind of refreshing about people who aren’t on social networking sights. To my knowledge my BF doesn’t have any so when I want to know something about him I physically have to ask him a question. Even though DT will never be back on my hit it list I see him around town from time to time and when I do those memories from 1996 always come rushing back.

So who are you stalking and how??